Joke 1
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Joke 2
It's Game 7 of the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
Joke 3
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Joke 4
American soldiers were sent to defeat the Israelian army that is attacking Gaza. Many died. There were only 2 American soldiers left. The first soldier is in perfect condition but the other is injured badly. The first one said to HQ, "General Shepard reporting. Seargent Alan is badly injured. I repeat, Seargent Alan is dying." HQ replies, "Let's make sure he is really dead, General." Then, a shot is heard. "Ok, Seargent Alan is dead. Now what?".
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EXTRAS!!!
There is a Geography class in a school. The teacher says, "Anybody knows anything about the International Dateline?" A student says, "Whoa! Why are we studying this again? What happen to the dance?" A girl says,"You mean the one we are having TONIGHT?" Then he replies,"Oh god! I have a strange sense of deja vu.." Another girl, shocked, says "Deja Who?" He replies,"Deja vu..it's French for "I've seen this all before". Then, his twin brother, Zak, says "We're having French? I thought we're having Geography!" Then, when the two of them went back home, Zak who is the DJ for the dance at their school tonight, asks his brother, Cody. "Hey, Cody. I'm the DJ for the dance tonight. Which style do you like more. The wolf style, Awouuuuuuuuuu!!! DJ wolve is here tonight! Awouuuuuu!!!!!! or,do you like McDaddy style, Wiki wiki oh wiki wiki oh! Emmhmmm!!" His brother replies, "What's happening to me? I SWEAR I lived this day before!" Zack, replies, "Well, bro, your life is SO boring, it just seems that way.
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